I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
