Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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