I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
