I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
