i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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