It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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