I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
