somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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