she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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