in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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