the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
