Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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