I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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