On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
