i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
