U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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