I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
