So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
