This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
