3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
