you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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