What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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