I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
