I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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