Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
