get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
