you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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