Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
