Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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