Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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