is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
