it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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