And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
