I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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