I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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