never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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