I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
