I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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