i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
