How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
