Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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