3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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