ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You took a bar mat shot.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
