Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So much rum. So many feels.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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