I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
