You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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