You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize