Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
