i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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