you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize