Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
