Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i now understand why vodka
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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