all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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