Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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