Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
