how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can't turn off my feet"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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