The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
