i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
