For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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