About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
