Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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