I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
try to milk me bitch
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
