Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
