Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
